She had not yet decided whether to use her power for good or evil . . .

 - important person

“Each one of us is merely a small instrument. When you look at the inner workings of electrical things, often you see small and big wires, new and old, cheap and expensive, lined up. Until the current passes through them, there will be no light. That wire is you and me. The current is God. We have the power to let the current pass through us, use us, produce the light of the world. Or we can refuse to be used and allow darkness to spread.”

It's been a busy, amazing summer.  The first part was lots of "fun";  the second, deeply introspective.

I guess it paid off.  Because I finally decided that I'm going to take a leave of absence from medical school.  At the beginning of the summer, I was concerned I didn't want to be a doctor.  Now, I realize that my physical health needs some attention before I continue.  I either need to get stronger or find a different career.

When your life and career are on the line, it's somehow not that hard to make significant lifestyle changes.  Part of my (rather complex) wellness plan includes no sugar or alcohol or fried food or fruit (except berries) and exercising EVERY day.  I'm suprised at how easy it is (well it's true I don't have a job)... and I really do feel better (after only two weeks).  I'm more calm, less prone to depression and emotional eating.  Perhaps less tired too.  However, this is a serious health-reversal initiative and it's gonna take some time.  Maybe even a year. 

I have always been a terrible decision maker.  I must have lost a year off my life last summer when trying to decide to go to med school.  So I am finally learning in that area.  It's so nice to grow up sometimes!

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart / and try to love the questions themselves / as if they were locked rooms or books / written in a very foreign language. 

Don't search for the answers, / which could not be given to you now,  / because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything. / Live the questions now. / Perhaps then,  someday far in the future, / you will gradually, / without even noticing it, / live your way into the answers.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

P.S. Does anyone know how to space out the poem correctly?  I couldn't manage it without a separating space btw every line.

Where is wisdom?  For some time, I have been interested in the concept of wisdom as a deep way of knowing, one that is diametrically opposed to the currently vaunted hegemony of a scientific, "data"-based way of knowing.

If wisdom is born of age and experience, then obviously old people are a great place to look for wisdom.  When I visit my grandfather, Horace, I listen patiently for any gems he might let eek out between complaints about the high cost of health care and praise for his alma mater, Texas A&M University.

Of course, there is something comforting about chatting with a person who has succeeded and failed and loved and lost so many times.  At times, I wonder how strongly I should heed the counsel of one who grew up when the social environment was so drastically different.  Modern dating, for example, cannot exactly be compared to the days when my grandmother wore a hat and gloves to her first lunch date.  (She was also wearing a navy blue dress, as Horace remembers precisely.)  Have men and women evolved so much?  Or are we essentially the same?  Another area where Horace doesn't seem to "get it" is in being accepting of diversity.  Comments like "he's a pretty good guy - for a black man" cause me to wonder how wise this man actually is.

Yet intuitively, I know there is wisdom here.  My grandfather may not be the Dalai Lama - indeed he would probably scoff if I brought up the phrase "spiritual life" - but I gain much in being with someone who is part of me.  Perhaps wisdom is not found in analysis or advice but in feeling connected and being concious of the context from which I have come.